10 Things You Don’t Want to Hear Bill Gates Say

In no particular order, here are 10 things you don’t want to hear Bill Gates say:

  1. “The next Windows release will require a credit card number at activation, and will automatically bill you at the start of every month.”
  2. “A name has been decided on for ‘Codename Vienna’. It will be Windows Mirage.”
  3. “You don’t have to worry about adware being installed without permission anymore. Now the advertisers go through us. Your hourly pop-up ad will be delivered through Windows itself instead of a hazardous adware program.”
  4. “Since no one liked our talking paperclip in Microsoft Office, we’re giving Internet Explorer a talking donut.”
  5. “What, Firefox 3 is out? Send out the Orcs!”
  6. “Google had good luck with the ‘invitation only’ approach, so we’re doing the same thing with Hotmail. To get an account you have to either get an invitation from an existing user or bring us a shrubbery.”
  7. “We got so many comments about Windows XP crashing a lot, we decided to build that feature into Vista, too!”
  8. “Oh, enough of all this Windows stuff already. Just proclaim me your king and send me $500 every year.”
  9. “Internet Explorer 8 will be based of the Geico Rendering Engine. I believe that’s the same one Firefox is based off?” [NOTE: Firefox is based off the Gecko engine. :-) ]
  10. “Due to complaints about Vista’s sluggishness, we’re releasing a fifteen gigabyte service pack that should correct the problem.”